My Eyebrow Fetish

This post is long overdue. I love eyebrows. More specifically, perfect eyebrows. I don't know why. It's one of the first things I notice about people. They come in all shapes and sizes, colors, thicknesses, some are plucked, waxed, overdue for a plucking or waxing, yes I notice all of them.

Eyebrows frame the eyes which to me are the most noticable and beautiful feature on someone's face. Just like finding the perfect frame for a beautiful piece of artwork so it is displayed properly - correctly enhancing the artwork, you need to get your eyebrows right! So here the full range of eyebrow errors will be displayed: from huge, untamed caterpillars to over-plucked bald foreheads. (And I cannot look away. It's like a mangled, burning car on the side of the road. I literally stop and stare at the unperfect eyebrow, especially seeing it live instead of on TV or in a magazine.)

First of all, let me offer the failproof tip to achieving the perfect brow.

There are only 3 lines you need to worry about:

Line A matches up the outside corner of your nose to the inside corner of your eye. That's where your eyebrow should start.

Line B matches up the outside corner of your nose to the pupil. That's where your eyebrow should arch.

Line C matches up the outside corner of your nose to the outside corner of your eye. That's where your eyebrow should end.

So let's see who got it right!

Beautiful! Nicely done.

Ummm... someone needs to inform this guy that his eyebrows should never match the thickness of his moustache. Yuck.

Not bad. I can handle these.

See what I mean? You can't help but stare, right? I know, try to look away.

Pulls you right in, doesn't it? Why didn't she pluck that monobrow?

Thata girl, Anne, you know you have awesome brows, yep, flaunt it!

Nope, not so good.

Remember when the bold, thick, bushy look was in? Elizabeth can definitely pull this off, but...

...sorry, fans of Sienna, this just doesn't do it for me. Apparently she's trying to start this trend again. Thumbs down for me!

Here we go. Good job, Cate and Kate. Lovely brows!

It just isn't right.

Thanks, Brooke. Love them!

Yeah, not so much.

Just lovely, Nicole.

Here's my BIGGEST eyebrow pet peeve in all it's glory!!! Look at these unnatural drawings on her forehead! I see them everywhere and it's like fingernails on a chalk board for me. Sends chills up my spine. Yuck. But I can't help but stare!

And even though you may think your eyebrows were perfect at one point, but looking at them now they aren't, you can always give them a makeover. Thanks, Julia, for proving my point.

I considered displaying my very own before and after pictures of my 90s eyebrows compared to today, but I just couldn't do it. Those of you who remember my 90s eyebrows can attest to the fact that they were pitiful. Not only were they the size of the aforementioned moustache, but they were black, thick, and so unfeminine. But they were waxable at one point in my life and I got them tamed back to the slightly imperfect arches that they are today. A huge improvement, believe me.

Something you may not know about me is that I have a toothbrush whose sole purpose is in the maintenance of my brows. Yep, I brush them in place, fill in any blanks with the brow pencil, then after spraying the toothbrush with hairspray I brush them once more in place to stay. You never know when a wind storm may blow and it also keeps those unruly stray hairs in place for the whole day. It's in my daily make-up routine.

So there it is, my eyebrow fetish. I could say don't worry, next time I see you I won't notice your eyebrows, but I'd be lying. I'm always on the lookout for the perfect pair!

*editor's note: The following supplement to this post is only because of my dear brother's friendly threat. In NO WAY was I going to allow HIM to choose my pitiful 1990s eyebrow picture to show you all, so I am conceding and posting my before and after for the world to see. Please refrain from any snide remarks, I've heard them all before.